My Mother’s True Love

First Read:  http://popchassid.com/didnt-love-wife/

“In other words, it was in the practicality that I found the love I was looking for.”

My father told me that he was a foolish man. He didn’t understand my mother’s love because she wasn’t emotional in the same way my dad was. For that, he always felt that my mom didn’t love him the same way he loved her. And he believed this for many years. It wasn’t until my father was sick that he understood how much my mother loved him. She served him through every tribulation and was by his side every waking moment of every day. She gave all of herself for him. Even when things were hard, she never let it get in the way of taking care of my dad. It wasn’t until the last 2 weeks of my dad’s life that she allowed a caregiver to help take care of him. My father was remorseful for realizing my mother’s love for him earlier.

In the end, my dad loved my mother and she the same. I’m glad I got to see what true love is and I only hope that I can experience it myself.

Baba’s Eulogy

Bogart Memorial Church – March 10th, 2010, 11:00AM

When I was 10, my dad, sister, and I went to the local Toys R’ Us for our Christmas shopping.  I had no idea what I wanted to get for my sister and my eyes gravitated to this hand held, electronic toy.  As I saw my sister walking past the aisle, I turned around and hid the toy underneath my shirt.  Before I could even take the toy back out, an ordinary man dressed in casual clothes grabs my arm and starts pulling me.  What are you doing?  I said.  I’m taking you to the front and calling your parents.  Suddenly, I realized he thought I was shop lifting.  I pleaded with him and swore that I wasn’t.  He wouldn’t listen to any of it.

Embarrassed, I heard my dad’s name get called on the overhead intercom.  Ming Yu, please come to the front of the store.  Man, was I in trouble.  The man who grabbed me explained with the manager the situation to my dismayed father.  And to my surprise, my dad erupted on the guy.

What makes you think he was shop lifting?!  My son would never do that!  Did you see him walk out of the store?

No… the man answered.

Then, how could you say he was shoplifting?  Thomas!  We’re getting out of here.

I could see the man and the manager’s sunken eyes as they watched us leave.  I felt sorry for them.  I knew plenty well how it felt to get yelled at from my dad.

My dad was tough.  When you come to the states with only $300 in your pocket with a full-ride to USC, you have to be.  He had to make the most of every opportunity he received.  He saved every penny and never asked for help if he couldn’t do it himself.

Around my 5th birthday, my dad was laid off for the first and only time.  He lost 15 pounds in 2 weeks.  When I told him I wanted to be just like him and become an engineer, he said no you’re not.  You want to become a doctor.  Luckily, doctor of pharmacy was good enough.  My father gave me a big hug when I was accepted into Rutgers Pharmacy and pushed hard to be at my graduation after his first chemoembolization procedure just a couple days prior.

Along with being the provider and handy-man of the house, my father was also the photographer.  If a picture says a thousand words, then a photo album must say everything about the photographer.  If you pour through our family photo albums, you will find few pictures of my dad in them.  Whether it was Disneyland, Disney World, Maine, Niagra Falls, Toronto, Nova Scotia, Las Vegas, Washington DC, California, Pines Lake, fall, winter, summer, spring, church, prom, graduation, or baby pictures…through his lens, you knew he cherished his family above himself and the Ming Yu family story wasn’t about him but focused on his two children, Thomas and Margaret.

He lived for his family and provided the best way in every way that he could.  By the end of his life, after already remodeling the driveway, roof, gutters, bathroom and entire kitchen, he was in the middle of getting the basement refurnished.  Instead of planning one last lavish vacation, he wanted to make sure the house was perfect for his family before he left.

I like to think that I understood my father and that he understood me.  But like most fathers and sons, we still fought on many issues.  And at times, regrettably we would let our arguments put a wedge between us.  But we always seem to come back together in arms and tears.

Sometimes it may not have felt like it.  But he always had my back.  Just like in Toys R’ Us when I was 10, I know he will always be here for me.

Baba, I wish you and I had more time to grow together.  I wish we could talk more.  About the stock market.  About movies.  About Apple and the new iPad 3 coming out.  My dad was the biggest Apple fan but I told him to just get an Android.  But I’m sure Steve Jobs told you everything about the iPad 3 before it was announced.

You were always adamant about staying in the same house and not moving.  Even if it meant you had to drive an hour and half to work each day. Wayneis the only home our family has ever known.  The day we came home after you passed, I could see a younger me riding the bike onKristen Courtwith you watching.  I can see you working on the roof in your tarred sweat pants and sweater.  I can see us together walking when you were sick.  I can see you in lying in your bed tired and exhausted.

Our family of 4 is now down to 3.  It all feels surreal, unfair, and too soon.  Yet, here we are.

I know that in time the pain I feel will heal and be gone.  And truthfully, I know I’ll be fine as long as I have something to do and keep my mind off of things.  You have raised me to be strong and focused.  But when I’m home and have a quiet moment to myself, I know I will be hit with a pain of loneliness.  And that’s when I’ll miss you the most.

One day we’ll be together again.  But until that day, I will keep in my heart the lessons you have taught me and good times we had together.

I love you baba and I’ll miss you.

 

228

A Facebook status that was too long…

“Before the uprisings in Egypt and Libya, Facebook, and mass media, the people of Taiwan demanded justice from their ruling party, the KMT, and were met with machine guns on February 28, 1947.  It’s estimated that at least 10,000 people were killed but could be as high as 30,000.  But, we will never know the true number because for the next 40 years, Taiwan would come under martial law.  People were imprisoned, killed, and suppressed to prevent people from speaking out or organize.  The 228 Incident is probably one of the biggest tragedies you never heard of.

Taiwan’s democracy is about as young, desperate, and unrecognized as a college graduate.  Hundreds of thousands of people have suffered first hand for it and an island of tens of millions have waited longer than it has had it.  What will it take for you to recognize Taiwan?”

Lunar New Years Resolution

DISCLAIMER:
Yes, I know this sounds very Asian and it was definitely not my intention to. For the first time, I actually wanted to do a New Year’s Resolution but of course I got lazy and here we are in February. I figure if I was this late on writing my resolutions… I probably need a curve/buffer to complete them in time. So Lunar New Year will be the finish line and the “real” New Year’s will signal the final stretch.

Resolutions
1. Let go and enjoy life
Too many times I let things bog me down and let things get in the way of just simply living and enjoying life. That comes to an end this year.

2. Putting myself out there and meeting new people
I’m not all that social. I hide in quiet corners whether it’s at home or at a party. I need to make the most of my limited socializing opportunities since I’m stuck in the pharmacy with no one my age.

3. Start the bucket list
This pretty much ties in with #1 and enjoying life. It’s very easy for me to do the same thing every day and never venture out to do something new and exciting. I’m very used to chilling at home, going out to see a movie, surf on the web for a couple hours, go to karate 2 days out of the week, go to AC way too many times….you get the picture.

4. Blog more
A very common resolution for bloggers. I find it especially difficult to talk about my life on the web. For me it takes some serious material, self-reflection and editing time… But it forces me to see things outside of my own perception and give me a broader few of things…which I kind of honestly need.

Bucket List for 2011 and beyond (to be edited constantly)
1. Skydiving
Alright, I cheated it a little bit…I already did this one early this year. But having done it sort of sparked this motivation to create my bucket list and “completing” it.

2. Run a marathon
This year I’ll be turning 25. By the time it becomes the Year of the Tiger again, I will be 36 and everyone knows your body will be exponentially worse by then. Probably got a good couple years left in this body to do what I want with it…so I’m gonna push it while I can.

3. Snowboarding – Learn to ride “regular” by the end of winter
Snowboarding…weather has brought a lot of snow but with work and bad weather mixed in. I haven’t gone out as much as I wanted. Time to make use of my season pass before it’s over which it will be very soon…

4. Make an awesome marinara sauce.
I’m a total pizzeria food fanatic only because marinara sauce is so delicious…I need to learn how to make my own so I give restaurants all my money.

5. Build my own awesome PC
Already well within finishing distance.

6. Go on a date
Sad but true. Never went on a date. Damn it.

7… I’m sure I’ll think of something.

Journey Man

My All You Can Jet marathon is nearly upon me.  The new blog I created (15.cities.wordpress.com)  is more about documenting my adventures.  But my self-reflections will remain here.

After coming back from my summer, I still felt somewhat unsatisfied with the thought of working and getting thrown in the working machine.   I had no idea when I wanted to start working and staying at home wasn’t really helping with my decision.  I just simply wasn’t ready and was left in limbo.  The AYCJ pass was a God-sent.  As a I prepare to jet off, I realize that this will be last hurrah and I will be ready to work after this.  Just planning for this trip alone was exhausting and I know by the end of my adventure, any part of me that wasn’t ready to move on with my life will be quenched.  I’ll be out and about seeing lots of family, friends, and having lots of fun.  I’m hoping for rejuvenation of my spirit through an epic adventure and a period of true self-reflection.

15 Cities in 30 Days

New blog for my upcoming trip!  Pictures and trip reports Hopefully, if I’m not too busy)

http://15cities.wordpress.com/

(still under-construction)

It’s the little things

When it comes to being a leader, I didn’t want to lose connections with those around me.  I try not to act serious, although my thoughts are.  I try to be a part of the group although it’s difficult at times to feel like I am or should be.  I try to be the kind of leader that everyone can count on.  The one that’s always there if you need help.  The one that goes the extra mile.  The one that does the work so that others don’t burn out.  The one that bears the suffering.

I may not always be right or make the correct decisions.  But I always listen and try to make the most of what I can offer.  I try to be as humble as a leader can be although it may diminish my authority.  I know I am a big part of what TANG is but I do my best to make it appear as if I’m not.  The last thing I want is to get more credit than I deserve.  But I do this to an unhealthy point of where I feel unappreciated.  I believe the real and worthwhile work is done by the program directors and counselors.  That’s why I always try to have some kind of role with a specific program (mostly Junior High, this year Juniors).  Doing logistics and making sure things run smoothly isn’t exactly what I find to be emotionally fulfilling at times.

I was so happy to have my 8 year old cousin Ethan be a part of the TANG program in our first year of the Juniors Program.  My love for TANG has always been sort of unclear to those around me, even family.  I was so happy to be able to share TANG with someone so close to me .  Ethan loves me as much as a nephew (but really a cousin) can love an uncle (but really a cousin) and vice versa.  He couldn’t wait to spend the weekend with me.  Ethan has never seen me in this type of setting.  Ethan knows me as the cool uncle who at one time liked the same things at his age and who likes to play with him but only gets to see me twice a year which is not enough.

All this weekend, I just wanted to play and share with him my love for TANG.  After the camp, my parents told me via Ethan’s parents that Ethan would proudly say, “My uncle is Thomas Yu.  My uncle is Thomas Yu.” I was shocked… flabbergasted.  Ethan was proud of me; proud that I was his uncle.  I thought I did such a great job in hiding my role with TANG.  But Ethan wasn’t fooled.  What makes me all teary is that he loved TANG so much, that he was proud of me for leading it.

That just makes my day…and perhaps the entire year.

Graduation

6 years in the making.  I wonder what’s next…

Bamboozled!

Bamboozle 2010 was the first time I paid to go to a major concert.  I’ve been to Rutgersfest and Autumn Blaze but this was something totally different.  The bands I wanted to see included: Relient K, Something Corporate, Paramore, Hey Monday, and last but definitely not least Weezer.  Other groups that were there… Keisha, Angels and Airwaves, OkGo, MGMT, and Drake.  All in all, it was pretty awesome to see all the groups in two days.  But I decided I won’t do it again…too many high schoolers shoving and clawing their way through things.  Next time, I’ll settle for buying a seat and hope for something more civilized.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Ten Things

Rotations are over. 1640 externship hours. Done. One year of rotations went faster than expected. But even more than that, my six years of pharmacy school has finally come to a close. It’s a weird feeling to be done… finally done. Every time a chapter closes in my life, I can’t help but grow a little nostalgic and emotional. It feels like I am almost missing something in my life.

Now, it’s time to look forward. The next chapter in my life is about to begin. So to close this chapter, I will list 10 things I will miss and not miss from this year. Then, no more moping and just looking forward to the future.

Ten things I won’t miss:
10. Getting up at 5AM for 2 weeks
9. Thinking I used to get paid for doing this
8. Sitting in for ridiculously long presentations
7. Waiting for the Match results
6. Hackensack shuttle bus
5. Extra long days in the hospital
4. Traffic because of snow
3. Being sleep deprived constantly
2. Wearing a shirt and tie with a lab coat
1. Projects

Ten things I’ll miss:
10. Free weekends
9. The docs at Kessler
8. Free food from Wynd’s rotation
7. Playing with radiation
6. Snowdays
5. A Vegas trip to remember
4. One hour lunch breaks
3. Sage advice and life lessons from awesome preceptors
2. Hanging out with classmates
1. Being a college student