Not meant to be

Career-wise pharmacy residency has both its pro’s and con’s; none of which seem to really stand out to me. If I didn’t get it, I could still find a nice paying job and have time to do other things. If I got a residency, it would be a great opportunity to learn and lead me away from the world of dispensing. Either way, it was a win-win to me.

Last week, I received the bad news that I was unmatched for a pharmacy residency. To be honest, it was expected. After all was said and done, I applied to 7 programs and only interviewed at one after being invited out for two. Although my expectations were aligned correctly with reality, it wasn’t enough to brace me from the oncoming disappointment. Close to 3,000 people applied to residency programs around the nation and about 1,750 were matched. That left about 100 program spots leftover with 1,000 people still looking. Over the next several days, I had a big decision to make: continue applying for a residency or begin the job search. I found myself conflicted. A part of me didn’t want to give up despite the daunting odds while the other part of me wanted to cope and move on.

After a little bit of soul searching, I decided to settle with my fate and started applying to hospital positions in New Jersey. I didn’t expect to feel so hurt by not getting a residency. I didn’t realize what it meant to me. I am not used to failure or not getting something I want. I’ve always worked hard and for the most part, it was enough. In the face of failure, I wanted to prove them wrong. But that’s not the reason to do a residency. Pride and ego are both terrible reasons to do anything. It just ends up making you do things you don’t want to do.

In my heart of hearts, I know residency isn’t for me just yet. I may be smart enough and dedicated enough professionally to get through a residency, but I don’t have the love and respect that it requires for the pharmacy profession. And I’m fine with that. I can move on.

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