In the Middle of Nowhere

Last week, I received my one and only onsite interview thus far for a pharmacy practice residency program. I told them I would need a week to get my schedule and thoughts in order. On paper, the program was solid and had everything I was looking for. The only problem? It’s in the middle of Wisconsin.

The area of Marshfield, Wisconsin was voted as one of the best places to live and raise a family. But has a little less than 20,000 people living there (compared to my hometown of Wayne’s 50,000). But it’s okay, I’m a loner anyway; I can survive a year alone. Plus, there are 3 ski resorts within two hours of driving distance and Wisconsin can get up to 50 inches of snow every year. Great for snowboarding but bad for my car. Oh the shoveling (brrr). Most if not all of my friends and family thought I was crazy to move out to the middle of nowhere in the freezing cold. I listened, but the challenges of moving out there didn’t scare me. The positives were outweighing the negatives.

Yet, I was still hesitant. I wasn’t ready to make decision. I couldn’t persuade myself enough to commit a plane ticket to Wisconsin. A part of me didn’t want to go and I couldn’t answer why. If Wisconsin wasn’t a problem for me before, why is it now? Maybe I’m still unsure about the whole residency thing. And the last thing I want is being stuck doing something I don’t want to do alone in the middle of nowhere. Sure, I could survive but I don’t want to survive; I want to live. So I called back and politely declined.

A part of me regrets the decision and maybe in a couple years I will grow to regret it. But for now, I’m won’t blame myself for not forcing myself to go simply because it was an opportunity. I will only go on an interview if I intend on going there. No false hopes to myself or others and no mixed messages. If I’m not 100% sure, I’m not settling.

Las Vegas Trip Report

As some of you may know, I went to Las Vegas last week for the American Society of Health System Pharmacists’ Midyear Clinical Meeting. Alright fine, it was half the reason. Okay maybe 75%.

I arrived Sunday morning and wouldn’t be leaving until Saturday night. I had 3 objectives:

1. Find a residency program I liked so I can decide what to do with my life.
2. Win my money back from all the money I spent to get there and pay for the conference.
3. Find my future wife. Okay maybe that’s a little extreme.  But point being is, why not? There’s bound to be smart girls here with good careers ahead of them who obviously like to have fun cause they are in Vegas.  Sounds like a perfect opportunity to meet someone.

So how would I fair?

…Too bad! What happens in Vegas. Stays in Vegas! Ha! I don’t have to tell you anything.

…

…

…

Fine I give.

Objective 1: Midyear was a little overrated.  The residency showcase is supposed to help students reach out to programs they may want to apply to but the event is just a big zoo.   You only had 3 hours to talk to about 60 programs in 3 different sessions (2 on the same day).  Add a couple hundred of students around the nation and you have one very intimidating situation.

Luckily, I signed up for another program that allowed me to have formal interviews with the residents/program directors.  I was happy to find programs that I can see myself being a part of.  Next step, formal applications, letters of recommendation, letter of intent…then, hopefully get an onsite interview which most likely will consist of a formal presentation (the fun never ends).

Objective 2: I will leave you with this picture.

Cliffnotes: I won enough to cover for my expenses of the trip.

Objective 3: Epic Fail.

I caught the eye of a girl and then I ran away.  Or at least that’s how it must have looked like.  So here’s the story and you be the judge if I am right or wrong:

At the Pharmacy Expo, I was able to bug a rep from Anda wholesalers to give me a good quality panda bear they were hiding from everyone and were instead giving people an ugly raggedly doll version of a panda bear.  I displayed my new toy pridefully with its head sticking out of my bag.  I was sure to get a couple stares.  As I went down the hallway, I walked passed a girl awkwardly due to the enormous crowd.  Our eyes briefly caught one another but I move on and head down the escalator.  She notices my adorable panda bear and strikes up a conversation as we headed for the shuttles.  Just as the conversation was picking momentum, she stops and asks the bus attendent where one of the shuttles was going.

At the point, I had two choices.  Stop and wait or keep walking.  At this point, I would have liked to continue our conversation and see where it would go but she halted the conversation.   Maybe it was her way of saying this wasn’t going to go anywhere.  So I continued walking not wanting to feel like a fool waiting in vain.  I looked backed and waved goodbye and caught a glimpse of hat seemed like surprise or shock on the girl’s face as she waited for an answer about the shuttle.  But maybe that’s just me.

In the end, I do regret not waiting.  But I guess what I’m asking anyone that’s reading this…can you really blame me for walking?  We had perhaps a minute conversation.  Am I vested enough to have waited?  Or was I justified to take her abruption of the conversation as a bad signal?  Comments are always appreciated.

Nidan

“Welcome to the test. For some of you, this will be the first time you will participate in a senior test. This test will be different. It’s not so much about what you know but about endurance. It is about pushing yourself to your limit and then going beyond it. Do not try to pace yourself. Give everything you got. It is better to reach your limit and stop than finishing the test half of yourself. We don’t expect you to have the same limit as the person next to you. This test is about you.”
-Shihan

This wasn’t my first senior test but I haven’t taken one in 5 years, making Shihan’s introduction resonate even more within me. This test was different. My childhood class is down to 2 (me included) with only 1 added youth. The seniors ranks would come out and go through the rigors of the exam for support. Now, I’m testing alongside of them although life has definitely taken a step or two away from them.

The test was painful. It started with a two mile running in cold and drizzly weather. My lungs were burning from the cold air. After coming back inside, we skipped some rope for half an hour. Next we went up and down the floor doing all the basics in the book: high, middle, low punches, open strike techniques, blocks to each strike, advanced counters, and for us lucky black belts, 50 kicks each leg for each type of kick into a person holding pads…that was painful. But in the midst of the sweat and fatigue, my mind became more focused and my urge to complete the test kept my adrenaline pumping. In that moment of being challenged to go beyond our own limits, it reminded of what I loved about karate and what I have been missing.

As the test continued, it became very apparent we were not invincible. One person managed to cut himself after the first hand to hand drill exercises, leaving all his partners with streaks of blood on their uniforms. A couple hours in, another was victimized to leg cramps. The pain was so bad that the test had to be stopped. Tears were streaming down his face as some tried to massage it away. But the test continued without him. After we finally finished all our drills and exercises, we regrouped and gathered together for the final test: katas. After everything, do you still have what it takes to perform your katas to the best of your ability in front of the entire class? For the first time in karate, I was nervous.

One by one we watched each other perform our katas. In the beginning, everybody did fine but as we moved on the more advanced katas, we began to falter. One misstep would be the start of a completely wrong sequence. Some would finish their katas facing the wrong direction. As I watched the recently injured battle through his kata, I can only wince with every kick he made. But he wasn’t the only one battling. Another was feeling his age and you can see him cringing in pain with every step and technique. By the end of each kata, all you could think was pain as he barely finished off each kata.

In the end, despite all short comings, we all passed. Smiles were plastered on everyone’s face. The guy with the cramped leg broke into tears after receiving his 3rd degree despite sitting out. Over dramatic? Not one bit. It was well deserved. And yes, these tests mean a lot to us.

I felt undeserving of passing the exam. I did well and got out unscathed and even performed my katas well without blatant mistake. But there’s something about getting through the tribulations and hardships that makes these tests special. And I feel like I missed out.

Folding Poker

I always liked poker because it gave me a competitive outlet. But I wasn’t running well at the casinos and I realized that there was no way I had enough money to keep playing if my bad luck or play continued to spiral down. But I loved playing poker. So after reading how one professional poker player turned nothing into $10,000 online, I decided to make it a personal challenge. So I quit the casinos and vowed never to go back (unless for special occasions) until I at least made my money back online. I cashed in some play money chips and started with $10. In the beginning, I was literally fighting for pennies and cents.

A little over a year has passed and I’ve almost made back the money I have lost at the casinos. But there just enough time to play anymore. In the next coming weeks, I have to make some real life decisions about my future and poker just isn’t an answer as much as I would like it to be. Poker was more than just a hobby. It was my dream of escaping the real world and live a life of luxury, and have the time to find something I really wanted to do in life. But the reality is I never made more in a week than I’ll earn in a day working as a pharmacist. The journey was fun. But it’s time to grow up and begin to let go of the dream. I’ll still play for fun but not with the same hopes and dreams as before. It hurts but I can take some solace in that I can move on to something better (or at least I hope).

Besides, gambling does kind of suck.

Finding Happiness

There’s no denying it. Working sucks. 9-5, 8-4, 7-3…it’s a routine we cannot avoid and unless we are very lucky, all of us will fall in the same mundane routine. Although I’m technically still in school, I’ve been struggling to adapt back to the lifestyle of living back at home no that I’m on rotation. The life I built down in New Brunswick is over now and something I’ve become accustomed to for the past couple years. It’s been hard letting go. Now, all I can see is my future career staring straight back at me and I’m by no means excited to work for the rest of my life. I’m already having a hard enough time dealing with new issues of loneliness and discontent.

But my unhappiness resides deeper than just the college blues. The other night I went into the city to say goodbye to a friend who won’t be coming back for what could be very long time if not ever. The idea of a going to a bar in the city always sounds adventurous and fun to me. But I hate going into the city. I’m happy to just stay at home and waste my time on the internet, watch TV or chill out and watch a movie. But I had to man up this time around and say bye to an old friend. It was good to see some old faces. But after that first hour, I hate meeting new people at bar. First, I’m not good at social conversations in very loud areas. It’s just way too annoying. Second, I become very uneasy seeing people hanging in cliques while I’m on the outside looking in. And for whatever reason, at that moment, it hit me hard and I realized how miserable I was. Not just with the bar scene but life in general. Because that pretty much sums up my college experience. Looking in from the outside.

The next day after some words of encouragement from a friend I went back to my childhood church, Fair Lawn Community Church. For whatever reason whether for spiritual or life lessons, the church has always delivered on soothing my conflicted soul. And yet again, as I reached out for guidance, my prayer was answered. Oddly enough, the preacher said he tries not to give messages from himself but rather tries to find the one God wants him to give. The sermon was entitled “Finding Happiness”. Seriously, I can’t make this stuff up. In truth, the sermon started off kind of slow but once it picked up speed it was like a wave crashing on me. There was one particular line that resonated in me:

“If you are searching for happiness in your life, you will never find it. Happiness is a byproduct of the relationships that you have.”

I like to think of myself as a deep person. And it shocked me that I didn’t figure this earlier. He was right. All this time I was searching for happiness in the wrong places. Pharmacy. Poker. Taiwanese America. Sports. TV and movies. Although some do mean a lot to me, none of these things gave me the happiness I was looking for. They were just the things I thought I could find the answers in. But, now I know and I can finally move on.

I hate Supercuts!

Haircuts are a form of art. Every stylist has their own interpretation. I tell them to “shave the sides and trim the top” and I will get something completely different each time…well at least at Supercuts. I know it’s not the place you’re supposed to get a good haircut. But since middle school, I’ve always went to this Supercuts store on Valley Road and they have always did a good job. Weird enough, they were always Hispanic ladies who would never talk to you and have conversations in Spanish amongst the other stylists. But they knew how to cut hair. Plus, I was learning Spanish and I liked trying to pick up on their side conversations. Since college, it’s been a love-hate relationship between me and Supercuts. Sometimes they get it right, completely wrong, or somewhere in the middle.

Today, completely wrong. I got an overly energetic hairstylist to do my hair who seemed to only care more about what products I used to shampoo my hair with than the actual haircut. And of course, the products she recommended were the ones Supercuts carried. Personally, I have bought hair products from Supercuts before but those cared about making me look good first and paid attention to the details of my hair. Today, it felt like I was in a fast-food restaurant and listening to some telemarketer sell me something. I said “shave the sides and leave the top since it’s not too long” and was left with a mini-mohawk. I went back later to get it fixed. “Sorry, it’s just a little puffy in the front.” “Yea, you said to leave the top. Aw, you should’ve just told me”. Now, my hairstylist was the nicest one I have ever met and was more than happy to revise the cut when I came back, but if you had a customer leave looking awkward, isn’t that just bad service? That’s why companies suck because the true meaning of the service they provide gets lost when they worry about profit margins.

Supercuts, bring back the Hispanic ladies that know how to cut hair instead of people that try to be friends with you but are really selling you stuff! I miss getting haircuts I actually want. I’m done with the cheap haircuts and unpredictable results. I’m going to get a barber who cares.

Declassified – Howie’s TANG Adventure [Video]

This year’s TANG summer camp event “Declassified” seemed to pass by in a blink of an eye.  Maybe it was because we weren’t suffering through sweltering heat without A/C like last year.  Or maybe there were many different kinds of workshops instead of having one speaker.  Or maybe we did more things in a short amount of time.  For whatever the reason, time seemed to be running at 5X’s the normal speed.  And of course, I had barely any sleep – less than usual that is.  But as I pour through all the pictures and videos (which seem to be at an all-time high), there’s new memories to hold on to and more to be created.  Even if time doesn’t seem to cooperate.

Below is a video I have been working for some time now.  Originally, I wanted to do a whole videoblog from beginning to end, but my camera sucks and kept dying on me…so that ended before it started.  Instead, one of our campers Howie recorded some tidbits of our trip on the way up to TANG.  In honor to his contribution, the video is entitled “Howie’s TANG Adventure” and takes place from the carpool ride before TANG to the ending moments of the 4 day camp, all in a mere 11 minutes. Half of the video is a fun candid “videoblog” with the other half being a slideshow at the end. I hope you enjoy it!

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Yum!

I hope you aren’t hungry.  Here’s some highlights of the food I enjoyed on my trip out to California.

In-and-Out Burger
Fast food at its best?  I’ll admit I had some pretty high expectations.  I heard David Beckham’s coming out party with the LA Galaxy included In-and-Out Burgers.  Sure, it’s his “favorite” but if you’re worth millions of dollars, would you be serving fast food burgers at your party, seriously?  Of course, I had to try it. For $6, you get a double burger with freshly-made fries (vegetable oil) and a drink.  Not bad – but then there’s the 10% tax in Cali.

I’ll admit my first In-and-Out experience was a disappointing one.  I thought the burger was good but not great and the fries were missing something.  But realistically, I set my expectations too high.  I forgot In-and-Out was a fast food joint and my expectations were somewhere in the rhelm of gourmet burgers.  But even on that scale, the double burger definitely falls only a tad short.  I was able to experience In-and-Out two more times: once with my dad and once as a going-away meal for my dad.

By the way, I tried the “meat only” (healthy) version which got rid of the bun and used lettuce instead. Don’t do it! That’s not the way a burger was meant to be eaten.

Claim Jumpers
If you thought The Cheesecake Factory gave large portions, you have to try Claim Jumpers.  There novelty is their ridiculous desert sizes (notice the fork for size comparison)

Sure you pay double the price of a  for desert ($12)…but you get 6 times the desert!

Chocolate Calzones (not really a calzone) wasn’t enormous but is a Claim Jumpers specialty that we had to have.

Diddy Riese
The cheapest cookies and ice cream place you will find.  Of course, it’s next to UCLA (I miss college).

Ice cream cookie sandwich = $1.50
3 Scoops of ice cream = $2.00
A dozen cookies = a little less than $4

Oh, and it’s delicious.  I had a scoop of cookies ‘n cream ice cream with a cinnamon and chocolate chip cookie.  Sorry, this picture isn’t so great – notice I took a bite before I remembered to take a picture.

Slideshow
If you want to see more pictures.

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Beaches, more Beaches, and Public Restrooms

Los Angeles, California -

Seemingly perfect weather where it never rains and temperature ranges only in the 70’s and 80’s.  And, the beach is never too far away (in my case 10 mins).  New Jersey?  What’s that?  Did I mention there were beaches?  Lots of them?  Although the Bahama beaches are still number one for me, LA is definitely up on my list.  The water can be quite cold and may take some getting used to before jumping in.  But the weather is perfect to just lie on the beach and get a tan with the cool ocean breeze hitting you.

LA has some of the most interesting and beautiful buildings and facilities (for later posts).  It’s no doubt that the favorable weather would permit many interesting buildings with open space which would definitely be a no-no in the northeast.  But, there is one bad experience at a public restroom in Malibu.  So far, the public facilities I have been in were clean and well maintained.  When I walked into this Men’s restroom,  I saw dozens of flies swarming the middle of a dark and unlit bathroom.  Creepy.

One guy at the urinals was standing at a 45 degree angle with his back turned to me.  Now, for those of you that haven’t seen a urinal, there are basically two different kinds: the ones that allow some privacy and ones that don’t.  With the ones that don’t, a good restroom will have dividers.  Not this case.  So you can see why the guy was standing 45 degrees with his back towards me.  Whatever, I respect that.  I like my privacy too, but now he’s standing closer to the urinal I would use and I can’t walk past him, cause that would be kind of weird.  To avoid an uncomfortable situation, I go for the toilets.  After turning, I saw a guy sitting on the toilet and realized there were no stall doors.  Luckily and ironically, it was dark and no scars were burned into my memory.  Surely, the guy had to go.  Why else put himself in such a humilating position?  Although, I find it weird that he would pick a stall that be the first one people coming in would look into.  But after looking for a respectably toilet, I could see why he chose that one.

So as it tuns out LA does have some things in common with New Jersey: dirty public facilities.  Although, I think New Jersey may have stall doors…

more about “LA Beaches“, posted with vodpod

Venice = nicest beach but “boardwalk is overrated
Redondo, Hermosa, and Manhattan = all pretty much the same beach – will see some patches of seaweed
Newport = nice waves for boogey boarding (see 2nd vid)
Malibu = rocky in certain areas but nice

Didn’t get a chance to buggy board because we were just visiting. Maybe next time.

Pharmosa – P.1

Intro

I’ve realized for awhile now that the the two biggest pieces of my life at the moment, pharmacy and Taiwan, share many similarities.  But perhaps the most similar are the struggles each faces.  I have come to the opinion that to be blunt, both are misunderstood, under-appreciated, and abused.  For the most part, my blog posts have been mainly about my personal struggles.  This time, I’ve decided to share with you my thoughts of two thoughts and the two things that have preoccupied my time the most.  I won’t lie; these postings may not spark your interest but if you can bear through them, I think you’ll gain some unique perspective on pharmacy and/or Taiwanese Americans.

Pharmacy + Formosa (nickname for Taiwan – means “beautiful island” = Pharmosa

Misunderstood

Pharmacists are commonly thought of as the “guy behind the counter” when really pharmacists have a hand in many different sectors of the economy.  They can be found in hospitals, industrial (i.e. Merck), insurance , medical writing, and of course the government.  On the other hand, you have Taiwan which is starting to get more recognition by the general public since China is always in the news.  And yet, many people think Taiwan is another word for Thailand or if they know better, are unsure of what exactly Taiwan’s political status is (we are not a part of China).  But we only have ourselves to blame for this.  Ignorance, pride, or whatever you want to call it needs to be addressed by those suffering.  Immigrants from Taiwan have been here for 50 years and yet when it comes to America, nobody really knows our story.  Pharmacy, on the other hand, has changed quite a bit in this century but in the wrong direction.  Back in the day, pharmacists used to be your apothecaries that made everything.  Now, to the general public, our image is that of an overpaid pill counter with a nice and stable job.  How did we get to this point?  Again, our fault.  We let it happen.  Pharmacists handed over their professional responsibilities to make treatment recommendations to doctors because they were well…doctors.  When it comes to both Taiwan and pharmacy, the only way to address these issues is to meet it head-on.  Don’t hold your breath if you think society will come to some sort of epiphany or realization and come to the rescue.  These two communities must each find a way to distinguish itself from the stereotypes and prejudice that pulls it down.  The answer is different for pharmacy and Taiwanese Americans.

In 1990, the American Association of Colleges of Pharmacy (AACP) mandated that the doctorate of pharmacy will be the new first-professional degree for pharmacists.  Before, pharmacists only needed a bachelors.  In order for a profession to gain respect amongst its peers, I believe education is the best and only way to do it.  If you know more, you command the know-how and in medicine, that’s crucial.  With respect comes trust and with trust you can gain more responsibility.  Pharmacists know more than just the formulations and dosages of a certain product.  Pharmacists are now responsible for knowing the pharmacology, clinical trials, treatment guidelines, contraindications, adverse effect, and even economics of a certain drug.  Having a PharmD reinforces the idea of this responsibility but working in retail stores like the CVS’s, walgreens, etc. the message gets lost when the idea of getting the drug to the consumer as fast as you can without a lunch break seems to take precedence. Keep in mind, a medical student only has one course of pharmacology while pharmacy students have 2+ years worth of courses depending on your program.  And doctors are the ones with prescribing privileges?  Scary.  Right now, pharmacy is ever slowly trying to reclaim it’s responsibility in deciding a patient’s treatment which of course is being resisted.  If doctors didn’t have to write presciptions, their ridiculous costs wouldn’t be justified and of course, drop.  What a tragedy.  Right now, pharmacy is slowly headed into the right direction and perhaps we’ll see bigger changes in the next 20 years when it gains the respect of other healthcare professionals.  Unless, of course, the recession speeds things up a little to create some interesting legislation to reduce healthcare costs.

Taiwan’s solution is different from pharmacy.  Our dilemma is similar for the Asian American community as a whole.  Our voice is just not strong enough and our planning and execution is mediocre.  Taiwanese Americans just don’t have the resources to create a movement.  Ironically, money and wealth aren’t the issues;  it’s leaders.  We’re very good in raising engineers, doctors, lawyers, and other high middle-class professions.  But we’ve become very career and family oriented and aspire to have successful life away from politics.  Life first; Taiwan second…if that is even a priority.  The first generation activists suffer from a cultural gap to create a lasting campaign or at least one that the American public can understand.  The next generation is very much in tune with today’s culture but many have abandoned their heritage or have different priorities.  The next generation must come and work together with the first generation if anything is to be accomplished.  But there just simply isn’t enough of younger generation activists and they are divided amongst varying organizations each with its specific cause, further diminishing an already hoarse voice.

Both pharmacy and Taiwanese American organizations lack unity.  Ultimately, we all want the same things: recognition and respect.  But yet both have created many specific organizations for very different purposes.  This wouldn’t be a problem if pharmacists and Taiwanese Americans each had a means of coming together as a strong body.  But in most cases, people give their loyalty to one specific organization which results in a divided profession or divided minority.  Pharmacy has an all encompassing organization American Pharmacists Association but has other organizations more specific to hospital, retail, manage care, and the list goes on.  It’s difficult to represent a profession as a whole if everyone  goes off and does their own thing.  Pharmacy has the foundations for future growth but the problem lies with the mismanagement of resources.  Taiwanese Americans, on the other hand, don’t even have an all encompassing organization.  You have your 1st generation organizations which are almost always completely separate from 2nd generation organizations.  Then, there are all the Taiwanese American conferences, summer camps, churches, ITASA, young professional organizations, FAPA, NATMA, finance, etc.  The Taiwanese American is indeed fractured.  For Taiwanese Americans, there is a lack of leadership to take charge and bring everyone together.  But there is hope, as it seems there is a calling and growing interest from next generation Taiwanese Americans in the college and young professional populations.

Being misunderstood is at the fault of our own doing.  As individuals, we must defend ourselves but on a national and more social level, we need to  organizations to represent us appropriately.  For pharmacy and Taiwanese Americans, there is a lot of work to be done and new leaders are needed.  We can only hope they answer the call.