Folding Poker

I always liked poker because it gave me a competitive outlet. But I wasn’t running well at the casinos and I realized that there was no way I had enough money to keep playing if my bad luck or play continued to spiral down. But I loved playing poker. So after reading how one professional poker player turned nothing into $10,000 online, I decided to make it a personal challenge. So I quit the casinos and vowed never to go back (unless for special occasions) until I at least made my money back online. I cashed in some play money chips and started with $10. In the beginning, I was literally fighting for pennies and cents.

A little over a year has passed and I’ve almost made back the money I have lost at the casinos. But there just enough time to play anymore. In the next coming weeks, I have to make some real life decisions about my future and poker just isn’t an answer as much as I would like it to be. Poker was more than just a hobby. It was my dream of escaping the real world and live a life of luxury, and have the time to find something I really wanted to do in life. But the reality is I never made more in a week than I’ll earn in a day working as a pharmacist. The journey was fun. But it’s time to grow up and begin to let go of the dream. I’ll still play for fun but not with the same hopes and dreams as before. It hurts but I can take some solace in that I can move on to something better (or at least I hope).

Besides, gambling does kind of suck.

Finding Happiness

There’s no denying it. Working sucks. 9-5, 8-4, 7-3…it’s a routine we cannot avoid and unless we are very lucky, all of us will fall in the same mundane routine. Although I’m technically still in school, I’ve been struggling to adapt back to the lifestyle of living back at home no that I’m on rotation. The life I built down in New Brunswick is over now and something I’ve become accustomed to for the past couple years. It’s been hard letting go. Now, all I can see is my future career staring straight back at me and I’m by no means excited to work for the rest of my life. I’m already having a hard enough time dealing with new issues of loneliness and discontent.

But my unhappiness resides deeper than just the college blues. The other night I went into the city to say goodbye to a friend who won’t be coming back for what could be very long time if not ever. The idea of a going to a bar in the city always sounds adventurous and fun to me. But I hate going into the city. I’m happy to just stay at home and waste my time on the internet, watch TV or chill out and watch a movie. But I had to man up this time around and say bye to an old friend. It was good to see some old faces. But after that first hour, I hate meeting new people at bar. First, I’m not good at social conversations in very loud areas. It’s just way too annoying. Second, I become very uneasy seeing people hanging in cliques while I’m on the outside looking in. And for whatever reason, at that moment, it hit me hard and I realized how miserable I was. Not just with the bar scene but life in general. Because that pretty much sums up my college experience. Looking in from the outside.

The next day after some words of encouragement from a friend I went back to my childhood church, Fair Lawn Community Church. For whatever reason whether for spiritual or life lessons, the church has always delivered on soothing my conflicted soul. And yet again, as I reached out for guidance, my prayer was answered. Oddly enough, the preacher said he tries not to give messages from himself but rather tries to find the one God wants him to give. The sermon was entitled “Finding Happiness”. Seriously, I can’t make this stuff up. In truth, the sermon started off kind of slow but once it picked up speed it was like a wave crashing on me. There was one particular line that resonated in me:

“If you are searching for happiness in your life, you will never find it. Happiness is a byproduct of the relationships that you have.”

I like to think of myself as a deep person. And it shocked me that I didn’t figure this earlier. He was right. All this time I was searching for happiness in the wrong places. Pharmacy. Poker. Taiwanese America. Sports. TV and movies. Although some do mean a lot to me, none of these things gave me the happiness I was looking for. They were just the things I thought I could find the answers in. But, now I know and I can finally move on.

I hate Supercuts!

Haircuts are a form of art. Every stylist has their own interpretation. I tell them to “shave the sides and trim the top” and I will get something completely different each time…well at least at Supercuts. I know it’s not the place you’re supposed to get a good haircut. But since middle school, I’ve always went to this Supercuts store on Valley Road and they have always did a good job. Weird enough, they were always Hispanic ladies who would never talk to you and have conversations in Spanish amongst the other stylists. But they knew how to cut hair. Plus, I was learning Spanish and I liked trying to pick up on their side conversations. Since college, it’s been a love-hate relationship between me and Supercuts. Sometimes they get it right, completely wrong, or somewhere in the middle.

Today, completely wrong. I got an overly energetic hairstylist to do my hair who seemed to only care more about what products I used to shampoo my hair with than the actual haircut. And of course, the products she recommended were the ones Supercuts carried. Personally, I have bought hair products from Supercuts before but those cared about making me look good first and paid attention to the details of my hair. Today, it felt like I was in a fast-food restaurant and listening to some telemarketer sell me something. I said “shave the sides and leave the top since it’s not too long” and was left with a mini-mohawk. I went back later to get it fixed. “Sorry, it’s just a little puffy in the front.” “Yea, you said to leave the top. Aw, you should’ve just told me”. Now, my hairstylist was the nicest one I have ever met and was more than happy to revise the cut when I came back, but if you had a customer leave looking awkward, isn’t that just bad service? That’s why companies suck because the true meaning of the service they provide gets lost when they worry about profit margins.

Supercuts, bring back the Hispanic ladies that know how to cut hair instead of people that try to be friends with you but are really selling you stuff! I miss getting haircuts I actually want. I’m done with the cheap haircuts and unpredictable results. I’m going to get a barber who cares.

Declassified – Howie’s TANG Adventure [Video]

This year’s TANG summer camp event “Declassified” seemed to pass by in a blink of an eye.  Maybe it was because we weren’t suffering through sweltering heat without A/C like last year.  Or maybe there were many different kinds of workshops instead of having one speaker.  Or maybe we did more things in a short amount of time.  For whatever the reason, time seemed to be running at 5X’s the normal speed.  And of course, I had barely any sleep – less than usual that is.  But as I pour through all the pictures and videos (which seem to be at an all-time high), there’s new memories to hold on to and more to be created.  Even if time doesn’t seem to cooperate.

Below is a video I have been working for some time now.  Originally, I wanted to do a whole videoblog from beginning to end, but my camera sucks and kept dying on me…so that ended before it started.  Instead, one of our campers Howie recorded some tidbits of our trip on the way up to TANG.  In honor to his contribution, the video is entitled “Howie’s TANG Adventure” and takes place from the carpool ride before TANG to the ending moments of the 4 day camp, all in a mere 11 minutes. Half of the video is a fun candid “videoblog” with the other half being a slideshow at the end. I hope you enjoy it!

more about "Howie’s TANG Adventure ", posted with vodpod

Yum!

I hope you aren’t hungry.  Here’s some highlights of the food I enjoyed on my trip out to California.

In-and-Out Burger
Fast food at its best?  I’ll admit I had some pretty high expectations.  I heard David Beckham’s coming out party with the LA Galaxy included In-and-Out Burgers.  Sure, it’s his “favorite” but if you’re worth millions of dollars, would you be serving fast food burgers at your party, seriously?  Of course, I had to try it. For $6, you get a double burger with freshly-made fries (vegetable oil) and a drink.  Not bad – but then there’s the 10% tax in Cali.

I’ll admit my first In-and-Out experience was a disappointing one.  I thought the burger was good but not great and the fries were missing something.  But realistically, I set my expectations too high.  I forgot In-and-Out was a fast food joint and my expectations were somewhere in the rhelm of gourmet burgers.  But even on that scale, the double burger definitely falls only a tad short.  I was able to experience In-and-Out two more times: once with my dad and once as a going-away meal for my dad.

By the way, I tried the “meat only” (healthy) version which got rid of the bun and used lettuce instead. Don’t do it! That’s not the way a burger was meant to be eaten.

Claim Jumpers
If you thought The Cheesecake Factory gave large portions, you have to try Claim Jumpers.  There novelty is their ridiculous desert sizes (notice the fork for size comparison)

Sure you pay double the price of a  for desert ($12)…but you get 6 times the desert!

Chocolate Calzones (not really a calzone) wasn’t enormous but is a Claim Jumpers specialty that we had to have.

Diddy Riese
The cheapest cookies and ice cream place you will find.  Of course, it’s next to UCLA (I miss college).

Ice cream cookie sandwich = $1.50
3 Scoops of ice cream = $2.00
A dozen cookies = a little less than $4

Oh, and it’s delicious.  I had a scoop of cookies ‘n cream ice cream with a cinnamon and chocolate chip cookie.  Sorry, this picture isn’t so great – notice I took a bite before I remembered to take a picture.

Slideshow
If you want to see more pictures.

more about "California Food", posted with vodpod

Beaches, more Beaches, and Public Restrooms

Los Angeles, California -

Seemingly perfect weather where it never rains and temperature ranges only in the 70’s and 80’s.  And, the beach is never too far away (in my case 10 mins).  New Jersey?  What’s that?  Did I mention there were beaches?  Lots of them?  Although the Bahama beaches are still number one for me, LA is definitely up on my list.  The water can be quite cold and may take some getting used to before jumping in.  But the weather is perfect to just lie on the beach and get a tan with the cool ocean breeze hitting you.

LA has some of the most interesting and beautiful buildings and facilities (for later posts).  It’s no doubt that the favorable weather would permit many interesting buildings with open space which would definitely be a no-no in the northeast.  But, there is one bad experience at a public restroom in Malibu.  So far, the public facilities I have been in were clean and well maintained.  When I walked into this Men’s restroom,  I saw dozens of flies swarming the middle of a dark and unlit bathroom.  Creepy.

One guy at the urinals was standing at a 45 degree angle with his back turned to me.  Now, for those of you that haven’t seen a urinal, there are basically two different kinds: the ones that allow some privacy and ones that don’t.  With the ones that don’t, a good restroom will have dividers.  Not this case.  So you can see why the guy was standing 45 degrees with his back towards me.  Whatever, I respect that.  I like my privacy too, but now he’s standing closer to the urinal I would use and I can’t walk past him, cause that would be kind of weird.  To avoid an uncomfortable situation, I go for the toilets.  After turning, I saw a guy sitting on the toilet and realized there were no stall doors.  Luckily and ironically, it was dark and no scars were burned into my memory.  Surely, the guy had to go.  Why else put himself in such a humilating position?  Although, I find it weird that he would pick a stall that be the first one people coming in would look into.  But after looking for a respectably toilet, I could see why he chose that one.

So as it tuns out LA does have some things in common with New Jersey: dirty public facilities.  Although, I think New Jersey may have stall doors…

more about “LA Beaches“, posted with vodpod

Venice = nicest beach but “boardwalk is overrated
Redondo, Hermosa, and Manhattan = all pretty much the same beach – will see some patches of seaweed
Newport = nice waves for boogey boarding (see 2nd vid)
Malibu = rocky in certain areas but nice

Didn’t get a chance to buggy board because we were just visiting. Maybe next time.

Pharmosa – P.1

Intro

I’ve realized for awhile now that the the two biggest pieces of my life at the moment, pharmacy and Taiwan, share many similarities.  But perhaps the most similar are the struggles each faces.  I have come to the opinion that to be blunt, both are misunderstood, under-appreciated, and abused.  For the most part, my blog posts have been mainly about my personal struggles.  This time, I’ve decided to share with you my thoughts of two thoughts and the two things that have preoccupied my time the most.  I won’t lie; these postings may not spark your interest but if you can bear through them, I think you’ll gain some unique perspective on pharmacy and/or Taiwanese Americans.

Pharmacy + Formosa (nickname for Taiwan – means “beautiful island” = Pharmosa

Misunderstood

Pharmacists are commonly thought of as the “guy behind the counter” when really pharmacists have a hand in many different sectors of the economy.  They can be found in hospitals, industrial (i.e. Merck), insurance , medical writing, and of course the government.  On the other hand, you have Taiwan which is starting to get more recognition by the general public since China is always in the news.  And yet, many people think Taiwan is another word for Thailand or if they know better, are unsure of what exactly Taiwan’s political status is (we are not a part of China).  But we only have ourselves to blame for this.  Ignorance, pride, or whatever you want to call it needs to be addressed by those suffering.  Immigrants from Taiwan have been here for 50 years and yet when it comes to America, nobody really knows our story.  Pharmacy, on the other hand, has changed quite a bit in this century but in the wrong direction.  Back in the day, pharmacists used to be your apothecaries that made everything.  Now, to the general public, our image is that of an overpaid pill counter with a nice and stable job.  How did we get to this point?  Again, our fault.  We let it happen.  Pharmacists handed over their professional responsibilities to make treatment recommendations to doctors because they were well…doctors.  When it comes to both Taiwan and pharmacy, the only way to address these issues is to meet it head-on.  Don’t hold your breath if you think society will come to some sort of epiphany or realization and come to the rescue.  These two communities must each find a way to distinguish itself from the stereotypes and prejudice that pulls it down.  The answer is different for pharmacy and Taiwanese Americans.

In 1990, the American Association of Colleges of Pharmacy (AACP) mandated that the doctorate of pharmacy will be the new first-professional degree for pharmacists.  Before, pharmacists only needed a bachelors.  In order for a profession to gain respect amongst its peers, I believe education is the best and only way to do it.  If you know more, you command the know-how and in medicine, that’s crucial.  With respect comes trust and with trust you can gain more responsibility.  Pharmacists know more than just the formulations and dosages of a certain product.  Pharmacists are now responsible for knowing the pharmacology, clinical trials, treatment guidelines, contraindications, adverse effect, and even economics of a certain drug.  Having a PharmD reinforces the idea of this responsibility but working in retail stores like the CVS’s, walgreens, etc. the message gets lost when the idea of getting the drug to the consumer as fast as you can without a lunch break seems to take precedence. Keep in mind, a medical student only has one course of pharmacology while pharmacy students have 2+ years worth of courses depending on your program.  And doctors are the ones with prescribing privileges?  Scary.  Right now, pharmacy is ever slowly trying to reclaim it’s responsibility in deciding a patient’s treatment which of course is being resisted.  If doctors didn’t have to write presciptions, their ridiculous costs wouldn’t be justified and of course, drop.  What a tragedy.  Right now, pharmacy is slowly headed into the right direction and perhaps we’ll see bigger changes in the next 20 years when it gains the respect of other healthcare professionals.  Unless, of course, the recession speeds things up a little to create some interesting legislation to reduce healthcare costs.

Taiwan’s solution is different from pharmacy.  Our dilemma is similar for the Asian American community as a whole.  Our voice is just not strong enough and our planning and execution is mediocre.  Taiwanese Americans just don’t have the resources to create a movement.  Ironically, money and wealth aren’t the issues;  it’s leaders.  We’re very good in raising engineers, doctors, lawyers, and other high middle-class professions.  But we’ve become very career and family oriented and aspire to have successful life away from politics.  Life first; Taiwan second…if that is even a priority.  The first generation activists suffer from a cultural gap to create a lasting campaign or at least one that the American public can understand.  The next generation is very much in tune with today’s culture but many have abandoned their heritage or have different priorities.  The next generation must come and work together with the first generation if anything is to be accomplished.  But there just simply isn’t enough of younger generation activists and they are divided amongst varying organizations each with its specific cause, further diminishing an already hoarse voice.

Both pharmacy and Taiwanese American organizations lack unity.  Ultimately, we all want the same things: recognition and respect.  But yet both have created many specific organizations for very different purposes.  This wouldn’t be a problem if pharmacists and Taiwanese Americans each had a means of coming together as a strong body.  But in most cases, people give their loyalty to one specific organization which results in a divided profession or divided minority.  Pharmacy has an all encompassing organization American Pharmacists Association but has other organizations more specific to hospital, retail, manage care, and the list goes on.  It’s difficult to represent a profession as a whole if everyone  goes off and does their own thing.  Pharmacy has the foundations for future growth but the problem lies with the mismanagement of resources.  Taiwanese Americans, on the other hand, don’t even have an all encompassing organization.  You have your 1st generation organizations which are almost always completely separate from 2nd generation organizations.  Then, there are all the Taiwanese American conferences, summer camps, churches, ITASA, young professional organizations, FAPA, NATMA, finance, etc.  The Taiwanese American is indeed fractured.  For Taiwanese Americans, there is a lack of leadership to take charge and bring everyone together.  But there is hope, as it seems there is a calling and growing interest from next generation Taiwanese Americans in the college and young professional populations.

Being misunderstood is at the fault of our own doing.  As individuals, we must defend ourselves but on a national and more social level, we need to  organizations to represent us appropriately.  For pharmacy and Taiwanese Americans, there is a lot of work to be done and new leaders are needed.  We can only hope they answer the call.

TAANNJ Newsletter – June 2009 Volume 1, Issue 1

Closing the Gap – by Tom Yu
Thomas Yu is currently in his final year at the Ernest Mario School of Pharmacy. He is the Executive Director of Taiwanese American Next Generation and is also a Board Member of Taiwanese American Association of Northern New Jersey. He dedicates much of his time reaching out to the younger generation in the community. When you read this article, it is the author’s intention to give you a glimpse of the Taiwanese American adolescent. Teenagers face many challenges in today’s society and it’s important as a community to pay attention and make ourselves available to support them. By supporting Taiwanese American Next Generation (TANG), you support our youth. By the end of this article, I hope you would not only be informed but feel motivated to reach out and support our youth.

Children are notorious for asking the question: “Why?”. They rely on everyone else to understanding the world. As we grow older, we realize the world for the most part makes sense but how our role and how we fit in it still remains a mystery. Welcome to adolescence.

As teens, it’s the first time we look to ourselves to find all answers. Who am I? What do I want to be? What’s important to me? What defines me? Before, answers like “Thomas”, “doctor”, “success”, and even “I don’t know” were enough. It didn’t bother us. But as time passes, we realize those one-worded answers are not good enough and don’t answer the real question of who we truly are. Now, there are new questions: “Who am I really?”, “Why do I want to be a doctor?”, “What does success mean to me?”, “Why is not knowing not good enough anymore?” What seemed like simple questions before now carry new meaning.

As Taiwanese Americans growing up in the United States, we realize our identities are more complex than the average teenager. As a minority stuck in political struggles, there are more challenges to face when trying to figure out who we are. Some will accept their Taiwanese heritage while others may refuse it all together. Then, there are those who live in both worlds, acting different at home than at school. Some might not see the point and not even bother to question their identity while others struggle and become lost.

For the Taiwanese American community, there also exists a cultural and generational gap between many Taiwanese parents and their children. These gaps can result in much tension and frustration and create rifts and lines to be drawn. It’s tragic how communication can be so difficult between parent and child during a time when growing up is the most difficult and most important. Family is definitely a big part of our identity. This is why organizations like Taiwanese American Next Generation (TANG) are important. TANG guides teens to discover their personal identities in a safe and nurturing environment. TANG acts as a bridge between the 1st generation and 2nd generation while also looking to the future for our Taiwanese American community.

So what is TANG really about? I like to think we are the answer to the Taiwanese American community. Our programs have been designed to challenge the identities of Taiwanese Americans while having fun and making friends. Many people misinterpret the things TANG is trying to accomplish. We are not trying to make kids become more “Taiwanese”. Don’t get me wrong – yes, we do teach many things about Taiwan like culture and politics and many if not all our campers do identify themselves as Taiwanese. But these are just tools to let our campers ultimately decide who they want to be. We realize our ethnicity is only part of who we are and identity reaches down to who we are as people.

For a long time, TANG has only been a summer camp. We realize the limitations of having only a 4 day summer camp. Although we have succeeded to create successful camps, we realize that we can do more for our next generation not only in their personal development but to challenge them to become something more. There is no reason why Taiwanese Americans cannot have a strong voice or be leaders in the community. But self-discovery and self-reflection are the first steps. With identity come self-confidence, beliefs, passion, and joy. Before we can lead, we must know our strengths and weaknesses. The next step is deciding what to do with it. It’s one thing to believe in something; it’s another to do something about it. If you truly identify and believe in something, you will contribute with your time and effort. Because it’s not work; it’s your privilege to help your community and show your love for it. This is the process we all must go through in order to become active members in the community. That drive comes from our deep personal beliefs and identity within the community.

Like last year, we will be back at Villanova University from July 2-5th (See http://tangeneration.org for more details and future events). The camp is only available to incoming 6th graders and graduating high school seniors. However, TANG also has a college and young professional program and will hold event in September so I encourage you to visit the website from time to time. Talk to a friend or family member about TANG and tell them what we are trying to accomplish; refer them to the website. We’re only asking for your sincere effort to put the time in helping us reaching out to the younger generation. By challenging yourself to take the extra mile in helping our community, you’ll find that there is room for all of us to still grow.

Strangers

The other day I was walking on my way to the bank when I randomly saw a face I haven’t seen for awhile. She was busy laughing, smiling, and talking to a guy with a razor scooter in hand as they crossed an intersection towards me.  As they walked by, her eyes glanced over me but she didn’t recognize me and walked on. She looked too preoccupied so I didn’t bother interrupting.  To another person, it would look like any other stranger passing each other and moving on to the next thing in life.

It’s been years since we had any type of significant conversation. Neither of us have really tried to salvage any kind of relationship. I don’t know her anymore as I’m sure she doesn’t know me. It’s sad how we got to this point of not even acknowledging another. This time it was my fault but I can’t say she’s happy to say hi when we do bump into one another.  I don’t like feeling that I’m just an inconvenience and it’s frustrating.  I can’t even really call her a friend, just another acquaintance on the facebook. The past is the past. I get it. I just wish we could get past it. I would like to be a friend but whatever… maybe letting go is the best choice and moving on means accepting there was nothing there to begin with.

Final Final

We waited in the hallway with high spirits and earnestly waited to take our last final ever.  It was only worth 10% of our final grade and people (myself included) joked of just guessing all C’s or D’s.  But I had too much pride to fail what was anticipated to be an easy final.  Plus, I had to get a somewhat respectable grade to get an A unfortunately. I was running on only 4 hours of sleep.  Studying brings out a bad side of procrastination these days.  Instead of going over my notes in what was supposed to be an easy exam and get a good night’s sleep, I got distracted and played Counter-Strike: Source.

Finally, they start letting us into the gym.  Normally, we just take any seat or have preassigned seats.  But perhaps on purpose, the faculty seated us slowly row by row in a single line across the gymnasium as if it was a ceremony for this momentous occasion.  This only made everyone more anxious to get the exam over with.  After a couple minutes of instruction, we were off to the races.  To my surprise, nobody handed their exam in 5 minutes into the exam.  But by 30 minutes, I looked up to see 3/4’s of the class already left.  Even fighting for my A, I couldn’t resist the urge to leave with my unsure answers.  Before I walked outside, I could already smell the alcohol.  Everyone was celebrating.  Champagne was spraying everywhere and frats made sure their members were drenched.  It was a sight to see and a tradition carried every year.  I couldn’t even check my answers before a friend ripped my notes out of my hand, pured alcohol on it, and say “Stop! it’s over!”.  Later, it got burned.

The final week and final final academic semester is officially over.  Sadly, I’ll miss the hectic exam schedule, restless nights, and obsessing over every test question.  The calm just doesn’t feel right and a bit surreal.  But, leaving behind the friends I’ve made and the good times I’ve had leaves me paralyzed with an unbearable feeling of loneliness.   I still have one more year left to graduate but the college life is officially over.  Starting Monday, I’ll start one of my required rotations to graduate and I’m sure time will pass by in a heartbeat.  I’m excited to starting something new and hopefully learn new things in different and more challenging ways.  I’ve gotten the most I can out of memorizing and testing and a change is definitely in order.  There is little time for self-reflection but perhaps that’s good so I won’t be consumed with this feeling of  everything being over.  But I’m sure I’ll get over that after the first week of rotations.

Here’s to exams, friends, and moving on to better things: